A Hollywood Urban Legend.

The following story is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Okay, I actually don't know if this story is true. I heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend, and so on. This is one of those stories that every assistant really WANTS to be true. It floats around like an urban legend. However, I have invented names. So, that still applies.

The story goes like this: there was an assistant, we'll call her Charlotte, who worked for an executive who we'll call Simon. Simon, like many entertainment execs, was...to put it bluntly, an asshole. He demanded, he demeaned, he bullied...really just take the worst possible traits a human being can have and then give him an ego the size of the Hollywood sign.

One day, poor Charlotte decided that she'd had it. She was through suffering his abuse with a smile. It came to a head when he kept throwing irrational demands at her while she was trying to schedule a trip to the Sundance Film Festival for him.

"Make sure that I'm in the third row, seventh seat for every screening I go to. But I don't know what movies I want to see, so just secure that seat for every available screening of every movie."

"I want to have dinner with Bob Redford. No, I don't know him. Make it happen."

"Make sure that I'm not sitting next to a fat person on the plane."

Our heroine had reached her breaking point. We've all got one. She knew she needed to get out. But how? Simply quitting wasn't enough. Not after all the stunts that he had pulled.

Charlotte played the part of the dutiful assistant while plotting her escape. She wrote up a detailed itinerary for Simon, mapping out all of his insane requests. She included confirmation numbers, reservation codes and phone numbers. Simon was pleased with the it...well, as pleased as he could be.

Until, that is, he got to the airport. Because, gentle reader, his airline confirmation? Didn't match any flight. The hotel? Sorry, no such reservation in our system. And Mr. Redford still didn't know that he existed.

And what of our heroine, lovely Charlotte? No one's exactly sure. After Simon left for the airport, she cancelled her cell phone number, deleted her email address and left LA in her rear view mirror. We can only hope that she's somewhere safe, happy and not being abused.

Charlotte, where ever you are, whoever you are, we salute you.